


Out of My Mind

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 09:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: White Pearl's thoughts during her time under White Diamond's control and after she gains her freedom.





	Out of My Mind

_Traitor._

She feels.Prickle.Sensation.Pressure. _Dissatisfaction._

_Invader._

More _Dissatisfaction_.

Words.Words.Words.Right.Right words.

_It pleases.My former Diamond’s return.PLEASES.She see her well.Happy.Pink is Perfection._

Prickle lessened.Pressure gone.Invader’s gone.

Static.

Good.Peaceful.Perfect.

Static.

Simple.No Trouble.Nothing.

Pain.

No damage.Gem whole.

Pain.

Invader fault.Invader fault.Invader fault.

No.No.No!

_My Diamond is Good.Perfect._

Pain.

_Me.Me.Me.My fault._

Never enough.Never happy.

With me.

NO!

Pain.

Static. 

The prickle. _A Command._

Obey.Obey Command.Complete Command.

Good.

_My Diamond good.My Diamond best.No harm._

Good.

No harm when good.

She good.Always good.

Before.

She good.

Pink.Bad.Betrayed.Traitor.

Made think.Think bad.

Think rogue.Status gone.

Dreams.

Pain.

Pink. 

Inspires.Reinvents.

Abandons.Trades.

Like.Like nothing.

Then.Now.

WHITE. 

_Invader._

Prickle.Sensation.Pressure.Dissatisfaction.

_Invader._

Prickle.Sensation.Pressure. _Dissatisfaction._

_Invader._

Prickle.Sensation.Pressure. _DISSATISFACTION._

_INVADER._

PRICKLE.SENSATION.PRESSURE. _DISSATISFACTION._

_YOU ARE AN INVADER._

_Pain._

Gone.

… 

Reformed.Reformed?Reformed.

Functional.

_Command?Command?Command?_

There is no command.

THERE IS NO COMMAND.

NO COMMANDS.NO COMMANDS.NO COMMANDS.

NOTHING.NOTHING.NOTHING.

STATIC?WHERE STATIC?I NEED STATIC!

INVADER?

Pain.Coming.Pain is coming.

PAIN

No pain?

Pain.Has to be.Pain.

No pain.

Pain.Has to be.Pain.

No pain.

PAIN.HAS TO BE.PAIN.

No pain.

Gone.

…

Reformed.Reformed?I am reformed.

Silence.Calm.Nothing.

She is alone.All alone.

She is.I is?I am.

I am alone.

I am she.I am alone.

Where is Invader?Invader always here.

No Invader.No White.White Diamond.

Where is she?I wonder.

Always here.In my mind.Commanding.

_Controlling._

Bad.Something bad.Happened.

My fault.Should have known.Shown have warned.

White Diamond gone now.White Diamond gone now.White Diamond gone now.

Alone.

My fault.My fault.MY FAULT.

But.

I am alone and.And there is no pain.

I am alone.Here in my mind.No White Diamond.No pain.

Good.

I…I don’t…

Know.Know.Know.

That?What that?Calming.Soothing.

I feel.

Prickle.Sensation… _INVASION._

Get out.Get out.Get out.GET OUT.

No more invasions.No more invasions.No more invasions.

I am alone.Here in my mind. _Please._

Invader.New invader.Gone.

Good.

I am good.I am alone.

…

Sound?

I…I…I…Sound. 

Sound.

I don’t.I don’t.I don’t know.

I don’t know sound.

What…?What is…?

What is sound?

“ _Ocean…waves…sand…do…feel it?…I like…how…sand squishes…toes…you…won’t like… since you’re…pearl…Pearl doesn’t…squishy things.”_

I…I will not like squishy?What?Command?Not command?

Words.Not like White Diamond’s commands.Not in head.But sense them? 

No.I _hear_ them.I _hear_ words…spoken.Gem speaks.

Not-Me Gem speaks.Not-White Diamond Gem speaks.

Speaks.Speaks.To me.

_“Yes, I’m talking!…oh…great!…you…understand?…you…me…”_

Speaks to me.Speaks to me.Speaks to me.

Why?

_“I…you…safe now…off…Homeworld…”_

Why?

_“Because…White…cruel…but…safe…Earth.”_

Earth.Colony.

Pink.

TRAITOR.

TRADED ME TO WHITE.LIKE NOTHING.

I MEANT NOTHING.

PAIN.PAIN.PAIN.

WHITE.WHITE.WHITE.

COLORS GONE.NOTHING LEFT.

PINK FAULT PINK.

Gone.

…

I am reformed.

Soft.The world is soft.Soft.

Fabric.Yellow. _Light_ yellow.

The soft fabric is light yellow color.

The soft fabric is light yellow and over me.

I am whole.I am pale. _Bleached_.

Cover.Cover.Don’t see.

I hate White.

Hate.Hate.Hate.

But fabric soft.Good.Nice.

Where?

Where am I?

…

Without noise , White Pearl slipped off the couch.Though she kept the yellow blanket wrapped tightly around her.She quite liked it.It was soothing.Comforting.Her attire had long since been chosen by White Diamond and never altered.It always lacked color, as to best reflect Her Luminescence.White Pearl always missed color.Before, when she was still Pink Pearl, Pink Diamond had dressed her in multitudes and they always felt _right_.

So now, having a yellow blanket?It felt good.

She tiptoed out of the dwelling.She knew she should wait for whoever was the mistress of such a place, but it was far too small to belong to White Diamond and she heard a noise.One that was kind of familiar.

Waves of a deep greenish-blue rushed up onto the beach.White Pearl hurried down the stairs toward them.She had a fuzzy recollection of maybe being near them once before?And of some gem trying to communicate with her?But it was hard to remember.Things were always hard in her mind.Especially thinking.Ever since White _invaded_ …

But White Diamond wasn’t in her mind anymore.

White Pearl stepped into the zone where the waves reached.Felt the coolness of the dampened sand.Let the water rush over her ankles.Involuntarily smiled.Her hand rushed to her mouth to cover the mistake.Realized no one else was around to witness it.Smiled again.

White Pearl sat down as the ocean rushed toward and receded away from her.Wherever she was, she quite liked this place.Perhaps she’d stay for a while?Just herself.


End file.
